The healing process.

Wow what a crazy past few days we have had. I am so glad that I've had a lot of stuff going on with the kids to keep me busy. On saturday we had Kaleb's second t-ball game to go to. The kids had stayed over night with my mom so I didn't see them until then. I could tell they were really worried about me and relaxed when they saw I was doing ok. If it wasn't for his game that day I probably would have just laid in bed and become even more sad. It was really hard to sit at his game and cheer for him, all I could think about was what was going on inside of my body. On sunday I was able to sleep in. I had Blade home to spend the day with and that really helped out a lot.
On monday Blade went to work. All I did yesterday is just what needed to be done for the kids, I didn't shower, I didn't take care of myself. I laid on the couch. I could feel myself become more and more depressed. I know that its ok to be sad and hurt over what happened but I can't let myself become depressed. I still have two kids and a husband who need me to take care of them. I woke up today and it was really hard to get out of bed and get ready for the day but I forced myself to ( I also had to take Kaleb to school). I made myself do my hair and put on makeup. My bleeding had pretty much stopped. This made me so happy. I am so tired of every time I go to the bathroom I have a reminder of what happened and is happening.
I was feeling better about myself and feeling more like me. Then when I got home from taking Kaleb to school I saw that a pregnancy work out dvd had arrived that I ordered right after I found out I was pregnant. I had such  a hard time with this. Then to make matters worse when I went to the bathroom I saw that my bleeding is picking up again. I know it all takes time, but I just want to feel happy again I want to feel like me again, I want to feel whole.
I'm very thankful for all the wonderful and supportive people we have around us. My doctor called me on monday just to see how I was doing and to see if I had any questions, all of our family and friends have said such nice things and been so supportive through this very difficult time. I'm especially thankful for Blade, he has been my rock, he has supported me, held my hand, let me cry on his shoulder, listened to me talk, etc, Thank you Blade for everything I love you and couldn't do this without you.