I wish...

This past week I haven't worked very much. On sunday my allergies got so bad I had a horrible sore throat and could hardly swallow so I missed work that day and then my mom got a really bad bite and had a horrible reaction to it so I didn't have a babysitter on monday, tuesday and wednesday are my days off. It has been so nice being home with the kids all day. I have got so much done around the house and really enjoyed all the one on one time with them. I really wish that I could be a stay at home mom or just work a couple days a week. Right now its not financially possible and when I don't work I feel guilty for not making money to help support our family. I am going back to work tomorrow but have to work PM shift, Blade will work all day and then when he gets home I will leave for work and by the time I get home he will probably be in bed and I will have to go to bed because I work again in the morning. Its so hard to work opposite shifts of Blade. I really miss him and miss the four of us having our family time. I know a lot of people have to do it and I know I have to do what is best in the long run for all of us.
The other thing I wish could and would happen is for my ex to just leave me and the kids alone. I haven't received child support in over a month again, in the last three months I have got child support once and it wasn't a full payment, so frustrating, especially when I know he is working. The kids came home on sunday after a visit and told me that he is trying to force them to call his girlfriend mom. This irritates me so much, I am their mom and only mom. I have always been their for them and always will be. They call Blade dad, but on their own we have never told them to we always tell them it is up to them. Blade has earned the title Dad, Evan hasn't been around for them and hasn't been a true Dad. Raelyn also told me she got spanked for crying when she wanted to play trains with Kaleb and Evan and they told her no. I am against spanking unless its something serious like them running in the street etc, but crying cause you can't play with your Dad and brother is just stupid.
So thats my little vent about how I wish things could be different in life, luckily when Blade gets back in the Air Force most of this will all change! I can't wait for that day!