Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

It's so funny that this is my blog post for today, I had to take Kaleb to the Dr today for his kindergarten check up and vaccines. It was the first time I have been back to my Dr's office since the miscarriage. It brought back a lot of those bad memories. As we were walking into the Dr office Kaleb turns to me and asks "When will you be pregnant mom" He has been asking stuff like this a lot lately so I always tell him " When the time is right God will send us a baby" He also asked, like he does every time this comes up, "Why did the baby have to go back to heaven?" I haven't learned what to say all I could say to him today was " I don't know Kaleb it just did, sometimes it just happens that way." I really never expected that this would affect the kids so much to go through something like this. I feel so guilty for ever telling them I was pregnant but I really didn't expect a miscarriage. They talk about it a lot and I can tell that it still makes them sad, At the same time I think it is good that they can see that life isn't always perfect and happy and sometimes things don't go the way you want. So that brings me to what if I was pregnant? If or when I get pregnant again I think I will be very happy but very nervous at the same time. I think any little ache or pain will terrify me. I think that when I do get pregnant I will keep the news just between Blade and I until I make it further along than I was. As much as I want a baby I so scared to go through a pregnancy I wish I could just fast forward time and have a baby  in my arms, but I know no matter what I have to go through having a baby is worth all the risk, all the nerves and stress.