Selfish?

So for a couple of weeks now I have been keeping a lot of feelings inside, I have talked to Blade and my Mom a little about it but haven't fully let go about how I truly feel, I have been thinking about blogging about it for a while  but then I was worried that people might think I am very selfish and might not understand how I feel then today I decided that I just need to get it out and blogging is a good way for me to do that stuff.
I'll start from the beginning since the miscarriage we haven't done anything to prevent pregnancy but we haven't really been trying either. I have been wanting to get pregnant but I was hoping it wouldn't happen til we hit the 3 month mark because they say that is when it is safer. Even though I knew it was best to wait and have a few normal periods I still was very disappointed every month when I started. I have always been very emotional and sensitive around my time of the month but this has all made it even worse. I get my hopes up every month that maybe this will be the month.
Last month a couple days after I started Raelyn and I were in the kitchen cleaning up and out of the blue she tells me that Ateisha ( her real dads girlfriend) has a baby in her tummy and bought a crib for her baby, I asked Kaleb and he says she almost has a baby in her tummy. I was so confused because when I first met her she told me that due to cervical cancer she couldn't have kids so my kids were like the kids she could never have. I though that if they would have already bought a crib that she would be far enough along to tell but when they dropped the kids off last time she didn't look pregnant at all, then yesterday Kaleb says that she does have a baby in her tummy and it will come out on March 5th. I did some quick math and that would make her 3 months so it would make sense that I couldn't tell. Hearing all this while having your period and wanting a baby so bad is so hard, don't get me wrong I think it's great if someone thinks they can't have a baby and then end up having one, but, I just think life is so unfair. Ateisha and Evan are horrible to my kids they don't know how to be parents at all and they get to get a baby but Blade and I who love those kids so much and do so much for them lose our baby. I feel very selfish that I am so angry that they are having a baby, I feel selfish that after being blessed twice with two beautiful healthy babies that I want another one. Life is just so confusing and so unfair at times, there is so much that I just don't understand, I try to be a good person and be happy for people but sometimes it is just so hard.