F*** Cancer!

First off I have to say I'm sorry if my title offends anyone but that is truly how I feel. My family has had way too much of it's share of cancer, My grandpa had it, he is ok now, my uncle, he is ok now, and a few other distant relatives. My biological father and his brother both had Colon cancer, so pretty much I feel like I am doomed to get it. The worst of it all is my Aunt Kay. She has had caner for 6 years now, it's so difficult because it's such a rare form of cancer so rare there is only one other person living in the US with the same type. Every type of treatment they have done has been experimental. They aren't really sure what will work what wont etc. Kay has been so brave and so strong through all of this. I don't think I could stay as positive and strong as she has through all of this. This past week has literally been hell for our family. We found out that her cancer is spreading and is out of control right now. It's making her very sick. They are starting her on what is the last form of treatment they have. The treatment runs a lot of risks and is really scary but it's all there is left to do so now we all hope and pray this is what finally works. If it doesn't work the doctors have given her 1 to 3 months to live. I am so sad, but I know my Aunt and I know she is a fighter I know she will not give up without putting up one hell of a fight. Not only is she my aunt but she is also my boss. I have spent many many days with her and I would have to say that out of all my aunts and uncles I am closest to her. I hope through all of this she knows how proud and how much we all love her. If anyone know someone who is dealing with any time of cancer just be there for that person, fight for that person, never give up on them, as soon as you give up hope they will too.

My Grandpa and Aunt Kay!

1st Anniversary Weekend!

Yay Blade and I have been married for 1 year now! We got married September 18 2010! You can read about our wedding (including our vows) HERE. Blade decided that for our 1st anniversary vacation that he would plan the trip and keep it a secret and surprise me with it the day we left, September 16, I am such a planner and hate surprises, but I thought that it was such a cute idea and made it all that more exciting and special. It was so hard to pack when you had no idea where you were going or what you are doing. I pretty much packed everything I own, not too different than any other vacation!
We left Friday after taking the kids to my mom's house. When we got on the Freeway I was supposed to guess where we were going, the only hint I had was out of Utah, We were going south so I first guessed Vegas, that was a no, Then I guessed Mesquite and I was right! I have only stayed there once when I was too young to gamble, drink, etc. I was way excited to check it out. We arrived in Mesquite at about 3. We got checked into our room and I started to get ready for the night. It is so nice to go on vacation and have time to get ready I actually curled my hair and took time doing my makeup. At home I feel so rushed to make getting ready quick so I have time for other stuff. Then we went for some dinner and hit the casino. We stayed at the Virgin River Hotel and Casino. The first thing I did was played some slot machines. I made $10 last a long time and even got up to $40 at one point. I knew I should have walked away at that point but wanted to make more and lost it. The first thing Blade did was play Black Jack, his favorite game, He was doing awesome at it and even won us $200! Then we decided to do my favorite thing, the Craps Table! I started out doing really awesome but then they kept bringing the free drinks and the dealers started encouraging me to bet more etc and I lost $60. All in all we came out ahead that night! After we were done gambling we went to where a country band was playing and danced. After that it was bed time!
The next morning we did some much needed sleeping in and woke up around noon! We got ready, had some breakfast, then went to the pool and swam and worked on our tans. After that we got all ready and went back to the casino to bet on the BYU, Utah game. I'm sure everyone knows now that I am a Utes fan and Blade is a BYU fan, but I won and we bet on Utah and guess who was right? ME! Utah did awesome! It was so fun to watch and we won some money off of it! After the game we tried some gambling but everything we tried to play we just lost everything. So we decided to just chill and have a few drinks and then went to bed for the night.
On sunday (our anniversary) we drove home. On the way home we stopped and picked up the top of our wedding cake from Blade's parents house, went to see my parents, and came home to wait for the kids to get back. As most people do, we ate our wedding cake, most people do this alone as a couple, not us, we did it as a family! It was so special that on the day we officially became a family that we ate our cake as a family! Our anniversary was great and after a crazy year it was great to get away, spend some alone time, and celebrate making it a year!

I left my camera in the hotel the whole weekend so I didn't get any pictures of our trip.

Eating the yummy Cake!

Kaleb Can Read!

Kaleb came home from school today with a book that he had made at school, he sat on Blade's lap and said, " I'm going to read my book to you dad!" And he did read it so we had him do it again so I could get it on video! I am so proud of him and can't believe my baby boy is reading! He is just too smart!

Sunday at the park!

Every second Sunday of the month we have a family dinner with Blade's parents and his siblings. This month we had it at the park because the in laws are in the middle of packing up their house to move in a couple of weeks. We went to a park in orem, not sure of the name of it, that is kind of by WalMart. I have never been there and never knew about it. It was such a cool park, it had pavilions, duck pond, tons of grass, and of course the play ground with swings! It's so nice to get the whole family together and catch up on everything going on and I love to see all the kids play together!

Feeding the Ducks!

Kaleb can now "pump" on the swings! 

She is so scared of the swings!

Trying to look happy for the picture. 

Selfish?

So for a couple of weeks now I have been keeping a lot of feelings inside, I have talked to Blade and my Mom a little about it but haven't fully let go about how I truly feel, I have been thinking about blogging about it for a while  but then I was worried that people might think I am very selfish and might not understand how I feel then today I decided that I just need to get it out and blogging is a good way for me to do that stuff.
I'll start from the beginning since the miscarriage we haven't done anything to prevent pregnancy but we haven't really been trying either. I have been wanting to get pregnant but I was hoping it wouldn't happen til we hit the 3 month mark because they say that is when it is safer. Even though I knew it was best to wait and have a few normal periods I still was very disappointed every month when I started. I have always been very emotional and sensitive around my time of the month but this has all made it even worse. I get my hopes up every month that maybe this will be the month.
Last month a couple days after I started Raelyn and I were in the kitchen cleaning up and out of the blue she tells me that Ateisha ( her real dads girlfriend) has a baby in her tummy and bought a crib for her baby, I asked Kaleb and he says she almost has a baby in her tummy. I was so confused because when I first met her she told me that due to cervical cancer she couldn't have kids so my kids were like the kids she could never have. I though that if they would have already bought a crib that she would be far enough along to tell but when they dropped the kids off last time she didn't look pregnant at all, then yesterday Kaleb says that she does have a baby in her tummy and it will come out on March 5th. I did some quick math and that would make her 3 months so it would make sense that I couldn't tell. Hearing all this while having your period and wanting a baby so bad is so hard, don't get me wrong I think it's great if someone thinks they can't have a baby and then end up having one, but, I just think life is so unfair. Ateisha and Evan are horrible to my kids they don't know how to be parents at all and they get to get a baby but Blade and I who love those kids so much and do so much for them lose our baby. I feel very selfish that I am so angry that they are having a baby, I feel selfish that after being blessed twice with two beautiful healthy babies that I want another one. Life is just so confusing and so unfair at times, there is so much that I just don't understand, I try to be a good person and be happy for people but sometimes it is just so hard.

My little brag post!

So I have decided to do a new thing from time to time and brag about the things I have made or done, it's not to sound like a brat or be "look at me" kind of thing I just want to show what I have done, I am proud of myself for all that I have learned to do since becoming a mommy and wife and living on my own! Since this is the first one I'm going to put quite a bit on here the others will probably be shorter!

Sewing:

Raelyn's Apron!

Rice Bags! 

Crafts:

Bow Holder!

And last but not least, Food!

Kaleb's Birthday Cake!

Raelyn's Birthday Cake!

 Homemade Rolls!

 Homemade pizza!

And on a side note I went to the Dr. today for my yearly (girl) Check up and was told that everything is okay and found out that I am now in the clear to get pregnant again! I am so excited and hope it happens soon! I was going to keep all this a secret but I decided that there is no shame in trying to have a baby, no shame in going through a loss of a baby, I started to blog because I wanted to share my life with other people and I hope somehow I can make a difference even if that means talking about the struggles of trying to conceive or the struggles of losing a baby.

The Hone's go to a baseball game!

Every since Kaleb started playing T ball he has become a huge fan of baseball and even has a favorite team, The Boston Red Sox, just like his daddy! He has a Red Sox hat and shirt that he wheres all the time! Blade told him about how he went to a Red Sox game when he was in Boston and Kaleb has been begging to go. We would all really love to go to Boston one day for a vacation but we can't afford it right now so we did the next best thing we could here in Utah and went to the Salt Lake City Bee's game on Saturday the 27th. The game we went to ended up being fan appreciation night, we had no idea we just picked a saturday that we had the kids and that I didn't have work. It ended up being really fun night, they did a lot of give a ways, had fireworks after the show, etc. We got grass seats so the kids could play and move around. The game started at 6 30 and it was so hot when we got their we had no shade and the sun was bearing down on us. We got some bottled waters and ice cream to cool us off. The bee's ended up loosing but it was still a great time. We had to move from where we were sitting before the fireworks began so at the bottom of the 9th (yeah I'm understanding baseball now!) We walked back to our car and watched the fireworks from there and as soon as they were over got in the car and headed home and beat the traffic! Kaleb has decided that when he grows up he is going to play for the Boston Red Sox! I sure hope he does that would be pretty cool, we told him that if he does he has to help support mom and dad!

"It's so hot mom"

Such a stud 

It was so bright!