It's funny that this is one of the things on this list because I have been thinking about this a lot lately. A lot of people might not know this but I got pregnant with my son Kaleb right before the start of my senior year of high school. I found out I was pregnant with him a few days before my 17th birthday. It was the scariest time of my life. I didn't think I was ready to be a mom but knew I had to become ready, and fast. After the initial shock wore off and I told my parents and realized they still loved me I instantly fell in love with my unborn baby. I started to live every day for him and to make all the right decisions for him. At the time I felt a right decision would be to marry his dad Evan. We were married very quickly. Right from the beginning I knew it wasn't right and wouldn't last but I stuck it out as long as I could for Kaleb. This is one thing I need to forgive myself for. I still to this day will feel shame for getting pregnant so young. It's a lot of mixed emotions I love my son so much and would never trade him for anything in the world I just hate the judgmental looks I get when people find out how young I was.
The other big thing I need to forgive myself for is I never finished high school. I made a lot of bad decisions my junior year and fell behind in credits. Then when I was pregnant and married it was too hard to go to school with all the morning sickness, depression, and a husband who wasn't supportive of it at all. I decided I would wait until he was born and finish then at ALLC. By the time he was born I still didn't have the support to do it. I felt keeping my marriage together was more important than finishing high school. Every day was a challenge. I still had friends that went to P.G. High School and I knew when the prom, graduation, etc was. I cried when I knew they were doing these things I had always looked forward to. The only thing that made me feel good during this time was looking at Kaleb. I knew that somehow it would all work out and I was doing the best thing by taking care of my son and being there for him.
In December of 2008 I got my GED at UVU. Part of me was proud of myself that I did it. I passed the test first try and didn't even study. The other part of me felt like "If you could do this with two kids you could have graduated high school with one." So pretty much I just need to accept the fact that all this happened for a reason and that even though I got pregnant as a teenager and didn't finish high school I still have my GED and I am as good of a mom as someone who had their kids later in life.
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